X Roads of Michelle R Sweeny & ZETAZEN

I am so not understanding why myself and some of my friends are single.  We are some damn good women. Accomplished, Talented, Good Looking, Spiritually Inclined, Financially Stable, Educated and Successful....YET..........we are single. WHY is that? 

Is it a unspoken inferior/superior complex that we have with men? Or is it vice versa?

Is that men see us as good women, but they aren't mentally together to deal with a woman of such caliber? 

These answers escape me. I'm just baffled by this ongoing and largely growing group of women who have it together, but aren't in committed relationships. 

WHAT ARE MEN LOOKING FOR? 

Why can't it be as simple as...hey I like you...you like me...let's see what we can make of this? 

UGH! 

All this other stuff is emotionally crippling....mental gymnastics - all for what? 

I can only speak for myself when I say that I never go around saying I don't want or need a man.  It's not that. I do want and need a man in my life because I am a heterosexual woman and I am built to want to love and please my male companion. It is my human nature. So just because I am independent doesn't mean I can't be dependent upon a man. It's just that in this moment and space in my life, I have NO CHOICE but to be independent because I have my children depending on me for survival.  However, if the right man came a long he'd be incorporated into our world, just like we would be incorporated into his...and together we'd be a force...he'd know that our relationship is built not only on love, trust, mutual respect and admiration...but on a basic business term...that is SWOT.

SWOT - Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats.

Now, one may ask themselves how can this be applied to a relationship....

Each person has a strength.  Each person has a weakness.

My/his strength is supposed to overcome my/his weakness.

Together we make opportunities to better ourselves as individuals, as a couple, and as parents. 

Together we take our strengths to ward off any potential threats that may come our way. 

Strengths compensate for weaknesses, turning threats into opportunities....for the betterment of our family unit. Wow!!!

What's so hard about that fellas?

What I see is that if a man were to snag myself or one of my lovely sister-friends, that battle of dealing with life is 50% won.  We bring so much to the table that the struggle is partly over. Now that's from a survival of life perspective...

I know the mental and emotional piece is something different. Men and women are clued into relationships differently...this I totally understand. But I feel like if we just meet each other half way. Women allow the men to have space to feel what he's going to feel and in due time he will reveal. Patience.  Men allow the women to the ability to share their emotions freely without feeling that because she has shared this with you - you are now feeling some pressure...doesn't make it always so. Perception. 

Patience and Perception...my two number one goals - patience mastered...perception ongoing. 

Be Free....

*The REAL TALK BLOG has an RSS feed to my Facebook Notes page, NetworkedBlogs and my ZETAZEN Author's Page on Amazon.com  - The Real Talk Blog is also linked to Twitter through my Twitterfeed.

I'm really coming into my own with my patience.  It has now been mastered and I feel a calmness that has come over my soul. I no longer feel like I have to rush everything or that everything must be rushed in order for it to be achieved.  It's a good feeling. I think being snowed in with the children has taught me how to just wait it out; that in due time everything will work itself out. That makes me feel good. 

Here is something I wrote as my Facebook status:

I feel it growing beneath my feet...Roots of Patience...Time is no longer my construct...I am pure untamed energy. Flowing freely. Fluid...as water adapts, so do I.

The Roots of Patience have grounded me. Here is another thought I had about importance and mirror effect of water in our lives:

H2O has the ability to transform into all three states of matter ...solid, liquid, gas - adapting - given the situation. Most of the human body is made up of water...so with that we should be able to adapt to any situation. lol Home life, Work life, Community Life...family relationships, romantic relationships, friendships....see the threes - solid, liquid, gas/home, work, community/family, spouse, friends....three states of matter or three things that matter!!! lol

Now that patience has been resolved and I'm no longer trippin' on the instant...I now have to work on perception. Things aren't always what they seem nor is my constant thinking of them is what the reality is. Wikipedia has some interesting insight to perception.  Read up on it.  

What I am receiving, thinking, and trying to understand may not always be the reality given the limited facts I have gathered through sight.  This is where assumptions are based, founded and grown.

I really have to learn now to let things go and not try to infer or spin what my perception is.  This habitual function will only keep me rooted in pain, hurt, misery and distrust of everyone around me.  Learning to accept it and not worry about it is hard.  Especially when it comes to relationships....when you want someone to love you and care about you and your perception of the situation is skewed because of what you think you see or what you think you know....and what may not be the case is detrimental to my over spiritual path. 

Perception....the new goal to accomplish. 

Transforming my thoughts for my new life.... 

Be Free

*The REAL TALK BLOG has an RSS feed to my Facebook Notes page, NetworkedBlogs and my ZETAZEN Author's Page on Amazon.com  - The Real Talk Blog is also linked to Twitter through my Twitterfeed.

Every mid December I begin to think about the new year that's about to approach...and EVERY year I think about how I hope the next year won't suck like the current year or the years previously when it came to relationships. And guess what...every year thus far since 2001...it has sucked. lol 

This year, I'm being PROACTIVE. 2010 marks a NEW DECADE....not just a newyear...but a new decade...a new period of 10 years - and I've decided that in this new decade....it's not going to be ANYTHING like that past 10 years. 

The fact of the matter is - I was semi-dating someone.  We had an agreement. I promised myself that my emotions weren't going to get involved.  But I stepped over the line.  This is the first person I've felt any kind of serious emotions about post SD era. This was a big step for me. If you've been following my blog, then you know that SD was a long drawn out relationship.  It lasted for seven years and it was a roller coaster of nothing. Ups and downs and it filled with nothing...just absolutely nothing. 

Anywho!.....things in my opinion started out really well between he and I. I really thought we were getting close and perhaps this could supersede what our orginial agreement was. Then it was finally dawned on me that this was NOT the case. As time moved on, he and I moved further and further apart.  I agonized why this was happening. This went on for weeks. The more he didn't call or text me, the more I didn't call or text him.  This is the kiss of death in any kind of interaction between people.  Effective communication is essential to have successful relationship. 

Today, it snowed an UNBELIEVABLE amount of snow....the DMV area has not had this much snow in probably 20 something odd years.  But this snowstorm gave me the opportunity to really sit down and think about where I am and where I want to be. It was during these blizzard like conditions, I realize that this person that I really felt internally was the right person for me, is really NOT the right person for me. I just happened to meet someone that I FINALLY felt who treated me like I've been wanting to be treated for awhile. And I fell in love with the treatment. He treated me like I've longed to be treated. 

This kind of treatment works so well with women who have been hurt,emotionally/mentally, financially abused by men over the years. I now believe I suffer from attention deficit. This is where women will SETTLE for any kind of treatment from a man just to keep that man around for the attention - no matter how little it is. We will listen to all the garbage he places in our dumpster because it's some form of attention.  But that attention just keeps him in CONTROL over the overall relationship and keeps us (women) OUT OF CONTROL - trying to figure what is going on. We are always second guessing ourselves. Wondering and thinking about him...what's he doing...why is he doing that....and we don't even confront him when he doesn't something we find blatantly disrespectful for the FEAR of him LEAVING!  lol That's straight trash! Trust me it is...if he leaves he wasn't the right one from the jump!

OMG! It's time to DROP this mentality! 

So I've done some self assessment.  I wasn't honest with myself nor was I honest with him.  I knew when he first approached me that I wanted to be in a relationship.  I just wasn't sure if Iwanted to be in a relationship with him.  Matter of fact, at the time I was talking to someone else.  Yet, the more and more he talked to me, the more and more I began to like him. But then I fell into la-la period  - you know that period of time that men take you through - and you feel all happy and giddy, but truly it's nothing but to get to the end result - having sex. And I fell for it. I was really thinking this dude was feeling me MORE than what we agreed to.  But know I see after WEEKS of really not having any communication, that if it was REALLY that easy for him to not COMMUNICATE with me, then he wasn't feeling me as deeply as I made it out to me in my own mind. 

I'm clear with this.  And I'm happy that I'm finally see it for myself. It's such a heaviness that has been lifted. I've heard some really solid messages from Lewis of iHustlenation and Dedan Tolbertof the DedanTolbert.net show. These messages have CLARIFIED so much for me. 

In all, I've come to accept that he's not the person for me. I wasn't honest with myself.  I'm scrapping my 90 day rule. A man will lasso the moon for the one woman he truly wants no matter how many days have gone by. 

Be free.....

*The REAL TALK BLOG has an RSS feed to my Facebook Notes page, NetworkedBlogs and my ZETAZEN Author's Page on Amazon.com  - The Real Talk Blog is also linked to Twitter through my Twitterfeed.

One thing I'm not good at is dealing with is uncertainty. Right now I'm just having one of those moments were I'm not sure about something that's on my mind, but I can't actually speak on it. 

This is apart of my lesson on patience. It is one of the most gut wrenching things I've ever felt in my life. I know I'm being tested. 

Being patient is not easy when we live in a society of now now now.  We want things faster. We want things smaller.  We want things BK - having it our way all the time.  What does PATIENCE have to do with it if we are living in a broadband/3G era? 

I feel the uncomfortable-ness from within. I want to scream about it and just ask WHY?! This state of unknowing is causing me to over think.  

I'm trying to be patient....really I am, but this patience thing is got me off balanced and unnerved. 

I've prayed. I've mediated. I've stared. I've written. I've thought. I've contemplated. I've smiled. I've preoccupied and in the end I'm still wired.

Please please please....peace be still upon me. I need to see the light at then end of the tunnel.  

I need to feel the sweetness of patience. 

*The REAL TALK BLOG has an RSS feed to my Facebook Notes page, NetworkedBlogs and my ZETAZEN Author's Page on Amazon.com  - The Real Talk Blog is also linked to Twitter through my Twitterfeed.

I'm still working on patience because I know LOVE IS PATIENT...LOVE IS KIND. 

Holding on to my faith and shining light on hope....it will all happen in due time. 

I'm shutting down my mind to put up steel walls around me. 

*end of story*

So I've been thinking about this topic a lot. What is a life partner to me? I say life partner instead of marriage because I think of that person as something beyond just being married to.  There are lots of people who are married and aren't satisfied, unhappy or they just married for all the wrong reasons. 

What is a life partner to me? Well since I've never been married, I can't say what the highs and lows are when it comes to dealing with one person on a daily basis for a long time. I have been in long term relationships but I'll challenge anyone who seems to think that is the same as being married. 

What keeps coming to mind is the man I am with - he and I are sitting on the porch...we are in our chairs relaxing...looking out to the sunset - enjoying the beauty of it all, but we aren't speaking to one another...we are enjoying the calm and the serenity of our lives, but yet we are having the most interesting conversation - conversation without words...how lovely that would be........he's the one that understands me...he's the one that thinks my flaws are perfections, he's the one that sees the beauty in my heart...he is my true unconditional loving friend.

He's the one I travel with - mentally, emotionally, financially, physically, sexually....he's the one when the chips are down and things aren't always flowing his way I'm there to support him and ease his mind about how we're going to make it through. When things aren't flowing my way...he's there to lift my spirits.  He's the one that although we don't see eye to eye we have a mutual respect to agree to disagree with love and compassion. He's the one that protects me, shields me, and guides me.  He's the one that makes me laugh. He's the one that takes my ideas seriously.  He sees the creativity in me. Most importantly he's my best friend. He's my lover. He's my protector.

And for me...I am his best friend.  I am his lover. I am his protector. I am his supporter. I am his caretaker.  I am his listener.

Together we are one another's mind, body and soul healers.

Do I ask too much?  There are days I ask myself...where is this man? When will I experience the joys have not having to live this life without a partner? Where have I gone wrong in my past relationships?  

I am finding out that human relations between myself and the opposite sex are not easy. At one point in time I thought it was easy. But I'm truly learning about the different facets of a male's human existence. I don't think I ever took the time to understand how it all works because I was too busy concentrating on the physical dynamic.  I just want it to be simplistic, but I'm finding out how complicated it can be for a man to determine who his life partner should be. 

Now I understand my lesson in all of this...it is to be patient. I have very little of it - patience. But I'm learning to take each day with greater understanding of it - patience.  All the attributes I listed above from him and me all have the underlining component of having it - patience.  I truly believe that once I have patience mastered all things will be revealed to me. 

*The REAL TALK BLOG has an RSS feed to my Facebook Notes page, NetworkedBlogs and my ZETAZEN Author's Page on Amazon.com  - The Real Talk Blog is also linked to Twitter through my Twitterfeed.