X Roads of Michelle R Sweeny & ZETAZEN

I am so not understanding why myself and some of my friends are single.  We are some damn good women. Accomplished, Talented, Good Looking, Spiritually Inclined, Financially Stable, Educated and Successful....YET..........we are single. WHY is that? 

Is it a unspoken inferior/superior complex that we have with men? Or is it vice versa?

Is that men see us as good women, but they aren't mentally together to deal with a woman of such caliber? 

These answers escape me. I'm just baffled by this ongoing and largely growing group of women who have it together, but aren't in committed relationships. 

WHAT ARE MEN LOOKING FOR? 

Why can't it be as simple as...hey I like you...you like me...let's see what we can make of this? 

UGH! 

All this other stuff is emotionally crippling....mental gymnastics - all for what? 

I can only speak for myself when I say that I never go around saying I don't want or need a man.  It's not that. I do want and need a man in my life because I am a heterosexual woman and I am built to want to love and please my male companion. It is my human nature. So just because I am independent doesn't mean I can't be dependent upon a man. It's just that in this moment and space in my life, I have NO CHOICE but to be independent because I have my children depending on me for survival.  However, if the right man came a long he'd be incorporated into our world, just like we would be incorporated into his...and together we'd be a force...he'd know that our relationship is built not only on love, trust, mutual respect and admiration...but on a basic business term...that is SWOT.

SWOT - Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats.

Now, one may ask themselves how can this be applied to a relationship....

Each person has a strength.  Each person has a weakness.

My/his strength is supposed to overcome my/his weakness.

Together we make opportunities to better ourselves as individuals, as a couple, and as parents. 

Together we take our strengths to ward off any potential threats that may come our way. 

Strengths compensate for weaknesses, turning threats into opportunities....for the betterment of our family unit. Wow!!!

What's so hard about that fellas?

What I see is that if a man were to snag myself or one of my lovely sister-friends, that battle of dealing with life is 50% won.  We bring so much to the table that the struggle is partly over. Now that's from a survival of life perspective...

I know the mental and emotional piece is something different. Men and women are clued into relationships differently...this I totally understand. But I feel like if we just meet each other half way. Women allow the men to have space to feel what he's going to feel and in due time he will reveal. Patience.  Men allow the women to the ability to share their emotions freely without feeling that because she has shared this with you - you are now feeling some pressure...doesn't make it always so. Perception. 

Patience and Perception...my two number one goals - patience mastered...perception ongoing. 

Be Free....

*The REAL TALK BLOG has an RSS feed to my Facebook Notes page, NetworkedBlogs and my ZETAZEN Author's Page on Amazon.com  - The Real Talk Blog is also linked to Twitter through my Twitterfeed.

I'm really coming into my own with my patience.  It has now been mastered and I feel a calmness that has come over my soul. I no longer feel like I have to rush everything or that everything must be rushed in order for it to be achieved.  It's a good feeling. I think being snowed in with the children has taught me how to just wait it out; that in due time everything will work itself out. That makes me feel good. 

Here is something I wrote as my Facebook status:

I feel it growing beneath my feet...Roots of Patience...Time is no longer my construct...I am pure untamed energy. Flowing freely. Fluid...as water adapts, so do I.

The Roots of Patience have grounded me. Here is another thought I had about importance and mirror effect of water in our lives:

H2O has the ability to transform into all three states of matter ...solid, liquid, gas - adapting - given the situation. Most of the human body is made up of water...so with that we should be able to adapt to any situation. lol Home life, Work life, Community Life...family relationships, romantic relationships, friendships....see the threes - solid, liquid, gas/home, work, community/family, spouse, friends....three states of matter or three things that matter!!! lol

Now that patience has been resolved and I'm no longer trippin' on the instant...I now have to work on perception. Things aren't always what they seem nor is my constant thinking of them is what the reality is. Wikipedia has some interesting insight to perception.  Read up on it.  

What I am receiving, thinking, and trying to understand may not always be the reality given the limited facts I have gathered through sight.  This is where assumptions are based, founded and grown.

I really have to learn now to let things go and not try to infer or spin what my perception is.  This habitual function will only keep me rooted in pain, hurt, misery and distrust of everyone around me.  Learning to accept it and not worry about it is hard.  Especially when it comes to relationships....when you want someone to love you and care about you and your perception of the situation is skewed because of what you think you see or what you think you know....and what may not be the case is detrimental to my over spiritual path. 

Perception....the new goal to accomplish. 

Transforming my thoughts for my new life.... 

Be Free

*The REAL TALK BLOG has an RSS feed to my Facebook Notes page, NetworkedBlogs and my ZETAZEN Author's Page on Amazon.com  - The Real Talk Blog is also linked to Twitter through my Twitterfeed.

The beauty in Valentine's Day....

I love you Mommy - You're my rock and I spin because of your push.

I love you Daddy - RIP - I wish you were here.

I love you SeDona - My first born - the one with the sensitive soul and big heart.

I love you Siyah - My youngest - the one that likes to snuggle with me.

I love you Mikie - For being like a second mother to me...you're such a wonderful Aunt.

I love you Grandma - For being you. You're so so sweet.

I love you Grandpa - For being the strongest male figure I have in my life.

I love you Dionne - For being a great friend over the last 16 years and for being a wonderful Godmother to Siyah. 

I love you Santana - For being such a loving dog. That's an unconditional love. 

I love you Dale - For giving me SeDona.

I love you Ron - For still being there when I need you and being a great dad to Siyah.

I love you David - Seven years. Our history extends far and wide. 

I love you Tony -  For your unbroken spirit.  

I love you my friends - There are so many of you. But to you I owe my many laughs on good and sad days and one of the greatest support systems I have. 

I have learned commercialism will have you to believe that Valentine's Day is just for "couples" .... I happen to know better....Love is not about one day....it's about love everyday.  It's about those days when you aren't your hottest and someone comes along and makes you feel like you're at your best.  

Yeah...that's where it's at.....in the words of my cousin thee Rev. Gus Augustus - "LOVE STRONG!"

Be Free....

*The REAL TALK BLOG has an RSS feed to my Facebook Notes page, NetworkedBlogs and my ZETAZEN Author's Page on Amazon.com  - The Real Talk Blog is also linked to Twitter through my Twitterfeed.

Love one of the most difficult things to understand if the wrong people keep entering into your life....

Foreigner

I Want To Know What Love Is

I gotta take a little time

A little time to think things over

I better read between the lines

In case I need it when I'm older

Aaaah woah-ah-aah

Now this mountain I must climb

Feels like a world upon my shoulders

And through the clouds I see love shine

It keeps me warm as life grows colder

In my life there's been heartache and pain

I don't know if I can face it again

Can't stop now, I've traveled so far

To change this lonely life

I wanna know what love is

I want you to show me

I wanna feel what love is

I know you can show me

Aaaah woah-oh-ooh

I'm gonna take a little time

A little time to look around me, oooh ooh-ooh ooh-ooh oooh

I've got nowhere left to hide

It looks like love has finally found me

In my life there's been heartache and pain

I don't know if I can face it again

I can't stop now, I've traveled so far

To change this lonely life

I wanna know what love is

I want you to show me

I wanna feel what love is

I know you can show me

I wanna know what love is

I want you to show me

And I wanna feel, I want to feel what love is

And I know, I know you can show me

Let's talk about love

(I wanna know what love is) the love that you feel inside

(I want you to show me) I'm feeling so much love

(I wanna feel what love is) no, you just cannot hide

(I know you can show me) yeah, woah-oh-ooh

I wanna know what love is, let's talk about love

(I want you to show me) I wanna feel it too

(I wanna feel what love is) I wanna feel it too

And I know, and I know, I know you can show me

Show me what is real, woah (woah), yeah I know

(I wanna know what love is) hey I wanna know what love

(I want you to show me), I wanna know, I wanna know, want know

(I wanna feel what love is), hey I wanna feel, love

I know you can show me, yeah

I've placed my trust and patience within the supportive arms of the universe......  

Knowing that however I feel at this moment..... 

God knows all.

The universe knows where my heart and intentions are...... 

And with that.....

I.......

Thank You for your FRIENDSHIP.

Be Free

*The REAL TALK BLOG has an RSS feed to my Facebook Notes page, NetworkedBlogs and my ZETAZEN Author's Page on Amazon.com  - The Real Talk Blog is also linked to Twitter through my Twitterfeed.

I had planned to write in my blog on January 1, 2010.  That didn't happen.  It's now January 23, 2010 and I'm JUST getting around to writing in my blog. 

So far January 2010 has turned out to be a good month for me! I've gotten that depressive relationship monkey off of my back and I've just been enjoying myself. 

I've been partying all month long in honor of my birthday (January 21).  I went to other people's parties and I've had a blast. My party was at Dave and Buster's and I had a ball! I played games until I dropped! 

I also feel like I've been connecting to some really good people...that my energy is opening up and I'm getting some fun that haven't had in past years. 

However, the best part of January 2010 is coming up.  My ski trip! I've been waiting for this ski trip since last August! It's been 5 long months. As you can read from my previous blog posts I've been through a lot these last few months....but now...I'm in a different space...a different zone....  But I plan to have thee BEST TIME of MY LIFE on this trip! I've invested a lot of money and hours of thinking time lol.....Plus, I'm going with a man...that in itself should be HAWT!

Now that I think about it....I was spending to much of my energy stirring in my own pity party about my situation.  But for 2010, I just refuse to do that anymore. Even though I've know this all along...I'm the shot caller of this here game...I gave others too much power over my thoughts and they didn't even know they had the power...I was wasting my time....wasting my energy on objects of my desire when the reality of it all is that it doesn't matter...I just need to have fun and go with the flow! 

I've been taking a Romance Writing non credit course.  Thus far, I've gained some invaluable information as I proceed on with my writing projects. I plan to take the Mystery Writing course, Writing for Sitcoms, and Writing for Children. I want to expand my knowledge base in my new found career path.  Although, I realize that writing is a lonely profession and there is NO wrong way to do it...I just want to have the benefit of the knowledge from subject matter experts in these genres. 

In all, I just feel like I'm in a better place in my life. Welcome to being 39 years young baby! 

Be Free

*The REAL TALK BLOG has an RSS feed to my Facebook Notes page, NetworkedBlogs and my ZETAZEN Author's Page on Amazon.com  - The Real Talk Blog is also linked to Twitter through my Twitterfeed.

2009 - You started out one way and ended on a note that was completely unexpected.

What I thought I wanted on 1/1/2009 turns out I didn't by 6/1/2009.

What I did want by 12/31/2009 I didn't get, but I will try my best to achieve in 2010.

Goodbye to a decade.  Goodbye to RB and DM. Hello to ME. 

To whom my heart now belongs for 2010 and beyond - *I love you, yes I really do*

Tomorrow I will start my 2010 blog for the new year and the new decade. 

Watching 2009 sail away - I wave...GOOD BYE.

Be Free....

*The REAL TALK BLOG has an RSS feed to my Facebook Notes page, NetworkedBlogs and my ZETAZEN Author's Page on Amazon.com  - The Real Talk Blog is also linked to Twitter through my Twitterfeed.

Every mid December I begin to think about the new year that's about to approach...and EVERY year I think about how I hope the next year won't suck like the current year or the years previously when it came to relationships. And guess what...every year thus far since 2001...it has sucked. lol 

This year, I'm being PROACTIVE. 2010 marks a NEW DECADE....not just a newyear...but a new decade...a new period of 10 years - and I've decided that in this new decade....it's not going to be ANYTHING like that past 10 years. 

The fact of the matter is - I was semi-dating someone.  We had an agreement. I promised myself that my emotions weren't going to get involved.  But I stepped over the line.  This is the first person I've felt any kind of serious emotions about post SD era. This was a big step for me. If you've been following my blog, then you know that SD was a long drawn out relationship.  It lasted for seven years and it was a roller coaster of nothing. Ups and downs and it filled with nothing...just absolutely nothing. 

Anywho!.....things in my opinion started out really well between he and I. I really thought we were getting close and perhaps this could supersede what our orginial agreement was. Then it was finally dawned on me that this was NOT the case. As time moved on, he and I moved further and further apart.  I agonized why this was happening. This went on for weeks. The more he didn't call or text me, the more I didn't call or text him.  This is the kiss of death in any kind of interaction between people.  Effective communication is essential to have successful relationship. 

Today, it snowed an UNBELIEVABLE amount of snow....the DMV area has not had this much snow in probably 20 something odd years.  But this snowstorm gave me the opportunity to really sit down and think about where I am and where I want to be. It was during these blizzard like conditions, I realize that this person that I really felt internally was the right person for me, is really NOT the right person for me. I just happened to meet someone that I FINALLY felt who treated me like I've been wanting to be treated for awhile. And I fell in love with the treatment. He treated me like I've longed to be treated. 

This kind of treatment works so well with women who have been hurt,emotionally/mentally, financially abused by men over the years. I now believe I suffer from attention deficit. This is where women will SETTLE for any kind of treatment from a man just to keep that man around for the attention - no matter how little it is. We will listen to all the garbage he places in our dumpster because it's some form of attention.  But that attention just keeps him in CONTROL over the overall relationship and keeps us (women) OUT OF CONTROL - trying to figure what is going on. We are always second guessing ourselves. Wondering and thinking about him...what's he doing...why is he doing that....and we don't even confront him when he doesn't something we find blatantly disrespectful for the FEAR of him LEAVING!  lol That's straight trash! Trust me it is...if he leaves he wasn't the right one from the jump!

OMG! It's time to DROP this mentality! 

So I've done some self assessment.  I wasn't honest with myself nor was I honest with him.  I knew when he first approached me that I wanted to be in a relationship.  I just wasn't sure if Iwanted to be in a relationship with him.  Matter of fact, at the time I was talking to someone else.  Yet, the more and more he talked to me, the more and more I began to like him. But then I fell into la-la period  - you know that period of time that men take you through - and you feel all happy and giddy, but truly it's nothing but to get to the end result - having sex. And I fell for it. I was really thinking this dude was feeling me MORE than what we agreed to.  But know I see after WEEKS of really not having any communication, that if it was REALLY that easy for him to not COMMUNICATE with me, then he wasn't feeling me as deeply as I made it out to me in my own mind. 

I'm clear with this.  And I'm happy that I'm finally see it for myself. It's such a heaviness that has been lifted. I've heard some really solid messages from Lewis of iHustlenation and Dedan Tolbertof the DedanTolbert.net show. These messages have CLARIFIED so much for me. 

In all, I've come to accept that he's not the person for me. I wasn't honest with myself.  I'm scrapping my 90 day rule. A man will lasso the moon for the one woman he truly wants no matter how many days have gone by. 

Be free.....

*The REAL TALK BLOG has an RSS feed to my Facebook Notes page, NetworkedBlogs and my ZETAZEN Author's Page on Amazon.com  - The Real Talk Blog is also linked to Twitter through my Twitterfeed.